Statute of Secrecy
by RobotsMakeBetterLovers
Summary: The Ministry finds out about the biggest breach in the Statute of Secrecy in wizarding history. The shock waves of this breach spread across the magical community as they slowly discover fan fiction....


DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything or anyone. Even Darcy -- he's my sister's.

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"WHAT?" Minister of Magic Kingsley Shacklebolt roared, slamming his fist onto his desk. The Head of the Secrecy Department, Jim Wallace, had just brought him very bad news, indeed. "WHY HAVE WE NOT FOUND OUT 'TILL NOW?"

"I – I'm not sure, Minister. We're still working on it," Wallace gasped, cringing as Kingsley dug his fingernails into the surface of his desk.

"We need to send a team in to talk to this Rowling woman…. Oh my god…. This is the biggest breach in secrecy I've ever HEARD of!" He glared at the seven books that Jim had brought to him, books with such titles as Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, and Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. In one fluid motion, he slapped the foot-and-a-half tall stack of books off his desk and onto the floor.

Half an hour later, a team of Aurors and representatives from the secrecy department crept up to J. K. Rowling's doorstep. Perturbed by the enormity of her mansion, they wondered how easy she would be to deal with. Sure, she was a Muggle, but how had she found out? There had to be something else at work here…. Darcy, the best Auror the Ministry had to offer other than Harry Potter himself (no one had seemed to know how exactly to break the news to Harry, so he had been left out of the operation), glanced around at the wizards surrounding him and, with a quick nod, knocked loudly on the door.

The door was opened by a maid. "Yes?" she said, looking concernedly at the official-looking men in front of her. Darcy cleared his throat.

"We are here for J. K. Rowling, ma'am, author of the so-called _Harry Potter_ series. If you please…." The throng of wizards pushed past her into the grandly decorated entry room. "Where is she?"

"She's upstairs!" the maid spluttered indignantly. "See here, I don't know what business you think you have with Miss Rowling, but you certainly have no reason to –"

The wizards ignored her, drawing their wands and starting off toward the staircase. They were stopped by the sound of a door opening upstairs and footsteps padding down the hall. A woman appeared at the top of the stairs.

"Charlotte?" she called. "Is something wrong?" The maid tried to answer her but was interrupted once again by Darcy.

"Joanna K. Rowling, the Ministry of Magic has discovered your books regarding Harry Potter and has deemed them a major threat to and breach of the Statute of Secrecy, 1947. As a Muggle, I'm not sure if you are familiar with our laws, but we have a very strict policy regarding secrecy from Muggles. Your books are in direct violation of Section…." He trailed off, noticing that Rowling was desperately trying to control fits of laughter. "Ma'am, nothing about this situation is funny in the least!" At this, she lost control and burst out laughing.

"You fool!" she shrieked. "Look at you, so worried about your precious secrecy! Yes, I know all about your policies – I wrote about them, for God's sake! There's nothing you can do about it, though! How can you get rid of the millions of copies that have been printed? How can you possibly wipe the memories of half the planet?" She cackled evilly, and Darcy glanced back at the other wizards, all of whom had shocked looks on their frightened faces. _Half the planet?_ Darcy nodded and gave a hand signal; the Aurors formed a line and pointed their wands at Rowling. Darcy, standing in front of the line, cleared his throat once again.

"Rowling, by the order of Minister of Magic Kingsley Shacklebolt, you are under arrest for a breach of the Statute of Secrecy." Rowling merely laughed again.

"You can't do that to me! I'm the one who MADE him Minister in the first place! Who do you think got rid of Fudge? _Who do you think killed off Rufus Scrimgeour?_" The wizards looked at one another, horrified. _She killed Rufus Scrimgeour?!_

"Move in, men!" Darcy yelled. The Aurors advanced, and Rowling backed up against the wall.

"Oh, no you don't! Go ahead and try – I'll just go to my computer and write you all out of the series!" The Aurors stopped dead. One of them elbowed the witch next to him.

"_Can she really do that?_" he whispered.

Rowling turned and ran back down the hall from whence she came. Darcy ran after her, sprinting up the stairs and turned down the hall in time to see the door at the end being slammed shut. He ran to it, kicked it open, and burst into the room. Rowling was at a computer about ten feet away, typing feverishly. She looked up when he entered. Grinning evilly, a demented look in her eyes, she clicked something on the screen, and another window appeared.

_Save changes?_

"NO!" Darcy screamed. He ran and leapt desperately. Rowling cackled and clicked the mouse.

_YES. _

Mid-jump, Darcy vanished into thin air.

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Creepy, no? Review please!


End file.
